One of the most common issues facing men in today’s society is that of unhealthy and (usually) undesired sexual behavior - what is often referred to as sex addiction. Marriages and jobs are lost because of it. Men are incapacitated because of it. And men are plunged into the darkness of shame, secrecy, isolation, self-contempt, and hopelessness because of it.

 

But sex addict? You probably don’t like the sound of that term. “Addict” is saying that one is caught up in sexual behavior that masters him. He knows his behavior is detrimental to himself and his wife, but he cannot stop it. He probably even hates his behavior and himself. If that describes you, then don’t worry so much about the label but rather choose to begin the work of gaining mastery of yourself. Counseling will be a great way to start that journey

 

The task to be undertaken in counseling is multifaceted. There is the task of stopping the unwanted behavior. There is the task of becoming honest. There is, for the married man, the task of restoring his relationship with his wife, and possibly others. There is the task of forming relationships that support successful growth. There is the task of becoming a different kind of man, a man of courage, character and integrity, that won’t again need sex to cope with life.

 

Most often growth into healthiness for the sex addict takes place best when his wife participates in counseling. Joint counseling fosters honesty, intimacy, accountability and mutual encouragement. The wife who doesn’t want to participate is not pressured to do so.

 

Counseling is no easy thing but it can be very rewarding – getting your life and self respect back is gratifying. Because it is hard work, and because honesty requires a lot of courage, I leave you with this “dare” from the great philosopher Soren Kierkegaard:

 

 

 

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